Meet Paper P.I.

By Brent Nieder on November 22, 2013

Anytown, USA

1:13 A.M.

 I’ve been a P.I. for a long time, seen a lot of things I wish I could un-see. Fires, shredders, letter openers – the paper in this town isn’t safe anymore. The only defense we’ve got left is apps. Mobile business apps replace the need for paper, but no, there are animals out there that insist on killing off my kind… Three more files have slid across my desk in the past 48 hours, each one more gruesome than the last. To top it off, this bottle is nearly empty…  It’s gonna be a long night. 

 Paper, Investiagtion, Noir, Crime, Humor

File #1: “Lost Souls”

Victim:  8 sheets of paper

Suspect: Negligent Employee #11

Details: Suspect was on the job site, filled out their paperwork, and placed it in their folder upon completion… or so they say. When the suspect returned to their place of employment, they discovered they had misplaced several forms, resulting in the loss of critical data. 

Negligent employees can hurt your business, but more importantly, they can ruin the lives of innocent pieces of paper. I’ve got to sit here and accept the fact that there are some lost forms out there in the cold, covered in filthy mud – gone forever! Had they’d be using GoCanvas, their data would have been captured digitally and stored up in the cloud. No loss of data for the business – no loss of life for the paper. 

File #2: “Misinformed Motives”

Victim:  27 sheets of paper

Suspect: Negligent Employee #559

Details: Suspect was pulling an all-nighter to meet a deadline. Upon review of the documents, it was clear that he put this paper through the ringer. It was littered with mistakes, illegible handwriting, and RedBull stains. Consequently, the work was determined to be useless and was promptly shredded.  

Shredded in cold blood – WHY?! All because this clown couldn’t keep on top of his deadlines. Grave mistakes were made and we pay the price! Sure, the business loses time and money, but what about those 8.5×11’s?! WHAT ABOUT THEM?! Use GoCanvas and you’ll be able to go back and edit all of your submissions once you’ve realized you’ve made a mistake. No need to start all over and waste even more time, energy, and paper.

File #3: “Nothing But Ashes”

Victim:  Four file cabinets (approx. 2500 sheets of paper)

Suspect: A matchbook with a chip on its shoulder.

Details: A call to the local Fire Department was placed at 11:22 P.M. about a fire that had broken out in one of the nearby small business complexes. The result was the complete destruction of four paper apartment buildings (also know as file cabinets). Victims were reportedly tax records, employee documents, and invoices.

It’s taken a lot of self-medication to deal with this one… What was once a prominent living space for many innocent pieces of paper is nothing more than a mountain of ash and a whole lot of questions. With GoCanvas there’s no need to even have file cabinets. A subscriber can have an unlimited number of submissions stored in the cloud – all of which are SAFE from deranged Arsonists or violent candles.

You can understand my sleepless nights and addiction to mobile devices… Paper is meant for children’s drawings and festive wrappings, only joyous things! Hear me and hear me well, GO MOBILE OR PREPARE TO FEEL THE SWIFT HAND OF JUSTICE! Now if you’ll excuse me, these cases won’t solve themselves.

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