Halloween is here! In the spirit of the ghouls and goblins, here are 11 scary office monsters that will Texas Chainsaw Massacre your time and productivity.
1. The Poltergeist Machine
We’ve all known this machine. Perhaps it was your fax machine that would never send faxes…until you asked for help. Or, it was the copier that ate your original file. Your relationship with this machine was never good, but you never had the proof to get rid of it.
It's a ghoulish fight with your dreaded machine (source)
2. The Meeting Room from Hell
This room has no windows and only one door. Time works differently in this room, kind of like in The Shining. Meetings seem to go on forever, even though your watch says only 20 minutes have passed. The room has nothing on the walls, not even a pattern in the carpet to stare at. You start imagining things, like creepy twins. You always leave drained of energy, and quickly hiding your drool.
Do twins haunt your office? (source)
3. The Caffeine Crashed Zombie
It’s 2 pm and your stomach is bloated from an amazing lunch. But your morning triple shot of coffee in Red Bull is wearing off. A once productive person becomes…a caffeine zombie. You try to pass as a productive office worker, but find yourself on twitter, or buzzfeed. It’s a struggle to keep your eyes open. The only cure for this zombie? More caffeine. Better hope you can drive home before your next crash.
Everything is a blur when the coffee runs dry
4. ‘La Llorona’ of the Office
Your office La Llorona may not have eaten their own children, but they feel rejected from the gates of promotion. Whether a man or a woman, La LLorna bemoans their fate through the office. Have you been promoted recently? Watch out for an attack of jealousy!
Your La Llorona won't hover over water, but may hover over you! (source)
5. The Skinwalker (Stealer of Ideas)
These sneaky demons don’t eat your flesh, but your ideas. Any brilliant idea you have, they propose it first. Either they have the hearing ability of a canine, or they can read minds. No matter what supernatural ability they have, don’t start wearing the tinfoil hat…yet.
Maybe if you put this photo up, they'll stop? Nah, we didn't think so either (source).
6. The Ghost of the Perfect Employee
You’ve never met them, but you know everything they did was perfect. They led meetings perfectly, created perfect powerpoints, memorized the boss’s coffee order, all with a perfect bone structure (ok..you made the last part up). It doesn’t matter what you do: you can’t measure up to this perfect ghost.
Perfect Employee, Perfect Body, Perfect Ghost (source)
7. The Office Kappa (or Water Monster)
This isn’t a sorority monster, but the water cooler demon. They lurk by sources of liquid: kitchen, water cooler, coffee machine, bathroom. Often friendly, but beware: a quick conversation can suddenly turn into an hour long gossip catch up, or a nerf gun fight (okay, maybe that only happens at GoCanvas). While not deadly, avoid them if you have a pile of work waiting for you.
Look out for the mischievous glint in the eye (source)
8. The Deadly Incantations
It seems supervisors may also be witches and warlocks, because they have a few phrases that always drive fear into the hearts of their employees. Phrases to watch out for:
Can I see you in my office for a minute?
About this weekend…
Can you bring the bagels? (10:30 the night before)
What do you think about reformatting this?
He many not wear suspenders…but your boss still knows the incantations (source)
9. The Genie of Office Romance
We’re all tempted to have an office romance at one point or another. You spend eight hours a day with your coworkers. Then it’s happy hour, or a Christmas party. The booze flows and the office genie promises you romance, but don’t give in.
He seems friendly, but you better watch out (source).
Why? This genie promises you a good time, in exchange for watching you make yourself miserable. This genie isn’t Robin Williams. He’s betting on:
Laughing at your initial awkwardness
Enjoying your misery post break-up
Easily encouraging you to wreck yourself via social media aka for the foreseeable future
Need more reasons not to trust genies? Read The Monkey’s Paw.
10. The Mythical Unicorn
It’s the goal you are always told to hunt for. The cure for every problem, the antidote to every woe. If only you could get this, everything would be perfect (pro tip: hiring virgins to capture the unicorn doesn’t work).
I’m going to be brutally honest: the unicorn doesn’t exist. Please, don’t cry (seriously, I don’t have tissues for you). Deep down you knew this was true (you didn’t? Oops). You can spend forever chasing it, but you’ll never catch this creature. Save yourself the time and sweat: chase achievable dreams instead (no, not the office romance, you are not Pam or Jim!)
Unicorns: as real as this image. (source)
11. Dish Cemetery
Your sink aka the place where all dishes eventually go to die. No one cares and the dishes get buried alive by old cheese, coffee stains and dried peanut butter. Except this time they don’t come back to life…
Bonus: The Monster You Didn't Even Know Was There…
Check out this short of an office monster GoCanvas fights every day.
From all of us at GoCanvas, Happy Halloween!